


The Brave One

by AmbiguousCake



Series: Learning to be Yourself [2]
Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: Anxiety, Drama Llama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Making things up as I go, but no guarantees, hopefully no self harm this time, might change to explicit later..., no apologies for the cheesiness, slow burn?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-08-25 18:16:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16665799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbiguousCake/pseuds/AmbiguousCake
Summary: Abe starts working on managing his anxiety, but it's not something that ever disappears entirely.  Luckily, he has Mihashi to help him, as he's there to help Mihashi too.  Things might get a little more complicated when they start dating, but everything will be fine, right?  Hopefully they have the courage to overcome any obstacles in their way..





	1. Abe 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is the (much anticipated :P) sequel to my other story, The Strong One. While it’s possible to read this one on its own, the characters went through some major sh…nuff, oh wait, this is at M, major shit in the other one that led to some pretty interesting character development. So, if you haven’t read that one, you may think it’s weird here how Mihashi is more assertive than normal or Abe is calmer. And any references I make to what they went through also won’t make sense. So, yeah, please go read that one first if you want to know what’s going on.

Abe let out a sigh as he leaned his head back on the couch, sinking deeper into the sofa. No longer afraid of this room like he was the first day he came in, he felt comfortable enough to close his eyes and just let his senses reach out around him. The atmosphere of the room was warm, natural sunlight shining in through a window to his left. He heard typing across from him, but his brain didn’t register it fully. He was too at peace now to let something interrupt him, until the typist stopped and he heard wheels scrape on the carpet. Looks like time was up.

“Takaya, you’ve made amazing progress, you know that, right?” Ms. Kisaki said to him and Abe finally sat up straight and looked forward. Ms. Kiaski smiled at him, a kind and sincere smile that crinkled at the eyes as she clasped her hands gracefully in her lap, smoothing out her pencil skirt. 

“Yeah… I feel better, too. Less… weighted,” Abe confided to her. She nodded to him, letting him know that he could continue if he wanted, and he decided why not, “I don’t know if I told you this, but I was terrified when I first came in here. I don’t know what I was so scared of, but the thought of going to counseling was awful.”

She gave him another patient nod before responding, “That makes sense, given what you’ve told me. But now you don’t feel that way, right?” Abe looked up at her and reciprocated her smile with one of his own. 

“Not at all, thank you for your help,” he said as he got up and bowed to her. She nodded back and Abe made to leave before she stood up from her chair and Abe turned around to face her.

“If you ever feel the need to come back, please do. I’d love to talk to you more.”

Abe nodded at her before he left and slid the door shut behind him. He’d been going to sessions with Ms. Kisaki, the school counselor, every few days for 6 weeks now. But that was the last one. She said that he could continue going every other week, or once a month if he wanted to, but he no longer felt the need. After dealing with his problem for so long on his own and trying to stop, it only took him a few weeks to understand what was actually happening and find methods to help fix it. He didn’t think it would go away completely, but he felt better armed with coping mechanisms and a good support group around him.

Speaking of support group, Abe opened up his cell phone to see that there was a message from Mihashi in there, “Are you free tonight?” Abe chuckled to himself because even after all this time, the idiot still used polite speech in texts. He’d be annoyed if he didn’t find it so funny.

“Sure, I’ll head over after dinner,” Abe typed back. He slipped the phone back into his pocket and walked down the hallway, his footsteps the only noise as they echoed around him. It was a Saturday afternoon, he came right after baseball practice, so there were virtually no students or staff in the school. The sunlight filtered in from the left, warming his skin against the chilly December draft that seeped through the glass, and he let the serene atmosphere wash over him. 

It was weird to think he’d been such an angry person, ready to snap at anyone or anything just a few months ago. His anxiety kept him on constant alert, perceiving helping hands as threats and minor setbacks as absolute failures. Already it felt like a lifetime ago, like he was a completely different person than he was then. And Mihashi, he was so different, too. From the tittering bird that jumped at the slightest provocation, constantly worrying about his place on the team and if they’d accept him to the boy that lead the team through many of their victories, even pushing them to set their goals higher than they’d dared to dream. 

Once he got home, he spent the next few hours catching up on some school reading and eating dinner before he took his bike to Mihashi’s house. He parked it in what was now his usual spot, on the left side of the house close to the pitching board Mihashi uses to practice - even though Abe repeatedly tells him not to. Abe reminds himself that it’s not that bad though and takes a deep breath, in, and then lets the frustration of that go, out. He knows Mihashi only wants to get better, and since that’s what Abe wants too, they just need to compromise and communicate more.

Different conversations he’s had with Mihashi circle through his head as he knocks on their front door and waits. Not even ten seconds later, he hears what sounds like a crash and a chirped, “I’m okay!” before footsteps pound their way to the front door. Mihashi slides it open, a little out of breath and Abe can’t decide if he wants to be concerned or amused, and settles for something in between.

“You okay?” And despite his attempts to hold in laughter, he can’t help the crooked smile he has on.

“I’m fine!” Mihashi declares before he steps back a little, “and, come in.” Abe nods his head respectfully as he walks in and shucks off his shoes before following Mihashi upstairs to his room. He looked in the living room to say hello to his mom, but she wasn’t in there.

“Your mom’s not home?”

“Ah no, she’s visiting her sister. I’m watching the house.” 

They settled in Mihashi’s room at the table at Abe’s insistence that they get a little homework done before goofing off and playing video games. It wasn’t a secret that Mihashi could use all the help he could get with school work. They took out their math homework, because it was one of Abe’s best subjects and one of Mihashi’s worst, and Abe helped him along through it, explaining things as best as he could. At some point, he ended up sitting next to the pitcher, hyper aware of their proximity as their legs brushed against each other. And that’s when he remembered a promise he made to himself.

That he would give his answer to Mihashi’s confession when he was done with counseling. And well… that time was now. His heart immediately began beating wildly in his chest in anticipation of it. Sure, he had gone through countless iterations of what he would say, but it never felt like he got it right. What if Mihashi no longer felt the same way? What if what he says causes an even bigger misunderstanding and ruins the trust they’ve worked so hard to build? What if Mihashi understands, but completely disagrees and ends up resenting him because of it?

These thoughts clouded his mind, an impenetrable and relentless torturing of his last nerves, as Mihashi worked on solving for the length of a trapezoid base. He suddenly realized that his breaths were shortening and he could feel his pulse pounding in his ears. No, he knew how to deal with anxiety attacks now without freaking out. Focus on something, anything and memorize it in detail, ground yourself to the present moment. So he picked the first thing he saw, Mihashi’s hand that held the pencil. 

It was a lame thing to pick, but it was moving and caught his eye. He focused on the ridges in the knuckles, how you could see the bone press against the skin and bulging it out. There were also numerous freckles in odd configurations, and he drew lines between them like making constellations in the night sky. He incorporated the veins he saw sticking out, no thanks to Mihashi growing and not eating enough to compensate despite Abe’s best efforts. His eyes wandered down the hand to the fingers, noting how long and slender they were, but strong. They were good for handling a baseball to make many different kinds of breaking balls. On the underside of the hand, Abe knew that it would be calloused from all the pitching practice he did. And without thinking too much about it, he reached out and put his own hand on top, to use another sense to memorize it a little better.

This of course alerted Mihashi to what Abe was doing and he promptly dropped the pencil he was holding in surprise. Abe cursed under his breath, he hadn’t meant to startle his friend, but now that he had Mihashi’s undivided attention, it was as good a time as any to tell him.

“Abe, what’s-”

“Takaya,” Abe patiently interrupted, moving his eyes from their hands to Ren’s face, registering the faint blush that spread across his cheeks in response to Abe’s words.

“Takaya,” Mihashi echoed, but forgot whatever else he might have been going to say. Which was good for Abe because he had a lot he needed to say, and he better say it now before he lost his nerve.

“Ren, I never responded to your confession from a while ago, and if it’s alright with you I think I have my answer.” Ren nodded slowly, his eyes wide and Abe could feel the hand underneath his growing colder. In a practiced gesture, Takaya grasped his friend’s hand in his gently, hoping to calm the other boy down like they’ve done so many times at practice. 

When Ren’s eyes lost the panicked look he had just seen, he continued, “I honestly don’t think I feel the same way you do. I’ve never been the kind of person who obsesses over love or gets crushes; love was just something I thought would eventually happen and I’d get married or something...” He could see Mihashi’s face falling with every comment, so he gave the hand he held a gentle squeeze and mustered all the courage he possessed to continue.

“But I don’t want to dismiss your feelings because of that. Just because it’s never happened to me before doesn’t mean I think it can’t, or won’t. You’re… my best friend. So I want you to be happy, and if I can do that for you by dating then I’d like to give it a shot. I’ve never dated anyone before, so I don’t know if I’d be good at it, and it might end up that I don’t like it… but I think it’s worth it to try. If nothing else, you can put any what ifs you might have out of your head.”

Takaya looked up then to see Ren’s eyes shining with unshed tears, and he had no clue what they were for. Tears of joy for getting a chance or tears of soul crushing sadness that it wasn’t what he had hoped? Takaya was about to say more, probably just ramble about nothing, but Ren cut him off when he threw his arms around him, drawing him in for a near bone crushing hug. A small gasp escaped his lips at the sudden unexpectedness of it, but he quickly regained his senses as Ren’s arms squeezed him tighter and his head buried into his neck, little tears dropping onto his shoulder. Takaya moved one hand to Ren’s back as the other went to his head and threaded lightly through his curly hair.

“Ren, are you…” Takaya trailed off, not knowing if he really wanted to continue that sentence or not, but Ren took the choice from him as he backed off and a huge smile split his face. Takaya breathed a sigh of relief and flopped back against Ren’s bed letting his hands rest gently at his side.

“I’m good.” Takaya gave himself a small moment to enjoy the peace before his brain quickly reminded him of all the times that he thought he had been on the same page as Mihashi and was proven wrong in the worst way.

“Okay, so just to be clear,” Takaya started knowing that it sounded weird but also that it was better to be clear with Ren, “we’re doing a trial dating relationship thing, and if neither of us feel weird about it, then we’ll make it official. Okay?”

“Yes!” Ren responded and the goofy smile on his face was too infectious not to smile back at it. They sat in silence again, the awkwardness growing steadily between them as the seconds ticked by on Takaya’s watch. Eventually it became too much for him.

“So, what do you want to do now that we’re dating?” A blush immediately spread across Ren’s cheeks, Takaya’s quickly mimicking it as he repeated his own words to himself and wondering if this was actually a bad idea to ask so forwardly. Fortunately for him, Ren was able to break the growing tension on his own.

“Can we… hold hands?” 

“Uh, sure,” Takaya replied both relieved and surprised at the request. He was expecting something more… daring, but he was glad that Ren hadn’t taken that route. Starting it off slow was definitely a good idea, for both of them. 

Ren snuggled closer to him, and Takaya could feel the warmth radiating off of him, his heart pounding in his chest, but whether it was from excitement or nerves, he wasn’t sure. As their shoulders brushed, a small shiver ran down his spine and he shuddered. Ren tentatively reached out and laced their hands together, pulling them into his own lap. His hand was gentle and warm, meant to calm him, but Takaya’s senses were still on high alert. Takaya nearly jumped when he felt a warm breath on his neck as Ren put his head on his shoulder, something that must have been coconut shampoo in his recently washed hair flooding his senses, a pink flush across his friend’s cheeks and reaching to the tips of his ears… 

Takaya was drowning in him, every small move he made creating tidal waves and the thought suddenly terrified him. As subtly as he could, he reached for the remote on Mihashi’s table and turned the TV on to some soccer anime he was fairly sure Mihashi watched. The character’s voices masked Mihashi’s breathing and Abe’s eyes concentrated on watching it, if only to calm his racing heartbeat.

If Mihashi was upset by it, he didn’t let it show and nestled himself closer to Abe, the friction of rubbing shoulders creating even more heat between them. Abe didn’t know what he wanted; to move away or put his arm around him and pull him closer. Was this because they labeled their relationship as dating that he was getting so overworked by it? Or was it that Mihashi was now free to act as he wanted and the intensity of it was overwhelming him? Abe had no idea, but even as the thought terrified him in a way he wasn’t sure how, he didn’t want to stop.


	2. Mihashi 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that they’ve started going out or whatever, time to get this party started! Well, maybe not. As we’ll find out, not everything happens quickly and things take time to put together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, this may go on for a long time… depends on my motivation level. I certainly have enough ideas for a lot of chapters… Also, timeline, what timeline?

When Mihashi woke up the day after Abe had told him that he accepted his feelings and wanted to try going out, Mihashi may or may not have texted Abe asking if it was all a dream in a sentence that contained way too many question marks and exclamation points. Abe texted him back that no, it really did happen and Mihashi couldn’t remember how, but somewhere in his excitement that it finally happened he tangled his legs on his bed sheets and tumbled to the floor. But even the painful lump in his head from the hardwood couldn’t detract from his happiness. He read and reread the text a hundred times, just to make sure that it was still there because there was a lot of blood rushing to his head and it got harder and harder to verify it. But no, the words didn’t change. Abe had said yes.

It was in this upside down state that his mother walked in on him, pushing his door open hesitantly. Mihashi immediately scanned his room to see if it was a giant mess that he would need to explain his way out of, but to his surprise discovered it was mostly clean. There was a pile of baseball clothes in the corner that needed to be washed, his bed sheets that his legs were still inexplicably trapped in, and the homework littering the table that he and Abe had worked on before his now trial boyfriend decided to reply to his confession. Other than those things, his room was in a good working order.

“Ren, are you alright?” his mother finally asked. 

“I’m fine! I fell out of bed.”

“I can see that,” his mother responded before her eyes went wide in alarm, “Oh! I left the eggs on the stove,” and promptly dashed out of the room. 

Mihashi smiled, resisting the urge to check his phone again. Instead, he did the responsible thing and got ready for the day. He made it to school in record time, adrenaline still pumping through him and settled into his seat almost twenty minutes before class was set to begin. Feeling antsy, he took out his phone to message Abe- no, Takaya. He’d have to get used to that. His message was short, just “Are you in class yet?” but Takaya immediately responded back.

From Takaya: Yeah, got up early and just decided to go in. You?  
To Takaya: Me too, I couldn’t sleep last night.  
From Takaya: Oh? You’re not feeling unwell are you?  
To Takaya: No! I feel fine! I was just thinking about you.

The second after Mihashi hit send, he immediately regretted it. Takaya would think he was such a weirdo! Almost a minute went by with no response, and Mihashi was seriously contemplating slamming his head on his desk in embarrassment when he got a new message.

From Hanai: Dude, I think you broke Abe. What’d you even say?! I saw his face burn red and only caught your name on his phone before he buried his face in his arms.

Oh, Mihashi had embarrassed him. That… that was almost funny. Mihashi debated whether or not it would be worth it to go to Takaya’s classroom just to see him, but then Tajima walked in complaining loudly about how his shoulder ached and Mihashi decided to stay put. He’d get to see Takaya after class anyway. 

Not that seeing him after class was a new thing in any way, but it felt different now. Normally he looked forward to baseball practice and seeing his friends, but now he was yearning for it, almost desperate for it. Mihashi wanted to see Takaya all flustered over his text message, feel him tense up when he got too close and then relax into him like they did last night. Hear his heartbeat going in tandem with his own, both loud in his ears. Maybe find out what else he could do to make that heart race faster.

Mihashi was pulled out of his fantasy when the teacher walked into the room and he jumped to his feet with the rest of the class in greeting. If he could get that lost in his thoughts for ten minutes, this was going to be a long day.

When the final bell struck, Mihashi was already on the edge of his seat with his bag packed. It wasn’t a conscious plan of his, but he couldn’t help gathering his stuff as the clock wound down. He knew he could get in trouble for it, but he was nothing if not stubborn. He didn’t give up the pitch all throughout middle school without being a little bull headed.

“What’s got you so amped?” Tajima asked as Mihashi was already rushing past his desk.

“Abe!” Mihashi called over his shoulder, as if that explained everything. Who knows, Tajima might correctly interpret the one word sentence in its correct meaning, his mind worked in mysterious ways. And then Mihashi realized that it might not be a good thing if Tajima knew they were dating… almost dating… trial dating? Wasn’t dating a temporary thing anyway, a way to see if you wanted to go steady? That’s what Mihashi’s research said, but he could be wrong. Either way, he wasn’t sure if Abe wanted the team to know yet. For all his abrasiveness, he could be pretty shy sometimes and this seemed like one of the things he would be shy about. Mihashi would have to ask him. 

Which then lead to the thought of how he would explain why he was standing outside of Abe’s classroom to others. Everyone knew they were close friends, but there was no logical reason for him to be waiting outside his door when they would see each other in a few minutes down at the baseball field. This might have been a bad idea, but it was too late to back out now, Hanai had already spotted him and waved. Abe was sitting at his desk, trying to fit a large textbook into his backpack, but was having some difficulty with it, leaving Mihashi to face Hanai alone.

“Hey, Mihashi,” Hanai greeted.

“Hello!” Mihashi responded and internally winced at how squeaky his voice was. Greetings were always so difficult for him, even with people he knew well.

“Ready for practice today?” 

“Yes! Er,” Mihashi paused trying to come up with a plausible reason he was here, “I need to… talk to Abe…”

“Oh,” Hanai responded looking down at his friend now cursing at his backpack angrily, “yeah, I’ll meet you down at the locker room then.”

Mihashi nodded and waved goodbye as Hanai left, and then suddenly the classroom was empty save for the two of them. Finally, Abe managed to wrangle all his books inside his bag and looked up to see Mihashi staring at him.

“You needed to talk to me?” Abe said, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

Mihashi was about to tell him no, he had just made that up, but he realized it was a good opportunity to bring up the subject of them “dating” and how/if to tell everyone. He was pretty sure the answer was to hold off for now, but he’d rather know for sure than assume.

Mihashi must have fidgeted for too long because Abe put a comforting hand on his shoulder, no words, just a silent reminder that he was there for Mihashi if he needed it. Gathering his courage, Mihashi spilled the words out in one long breath, knowing that if he paused for even a moment his stuttering would kick in and he’d never finish his thoughts.

“I know you said it was a trial dating, but I was wondering if you wanted to tell the others anyway or keep it to ourselves for now and what to say if anyone asks because Tajima can read minds and he’d probably know right away and-”

“Mihashi,” Abe interrupted gently with a soft squeeze on his shoulder and were his hands always so warm? “I need you to breathe for me.” Mihashi did. “Good. Now, I don’t really want to announce it to the world, I like my privacy, but if people ask you directly, I wouldn’t lie about it either. Lying just seems like it’d create more difficult problems. So, I don’t plan on telling anyone, not yet, but if asked, be honest. Does that work for you?”

Despite Abe’s guidance to breathe, Mihashi realized that he hadn’t been following it very well when Abe ended and a loud sigh escaped his lips. He nodded in understanding, because that was basically what he wanted, too, and the two of them exited the classroom to go to practice together.

Which led to a whole new set of problems. Takaya said he didn’t want to make it obvious that they were dating, but did that mean they couldn’t do anything? What if Mihashi wanted to hold his hand as they walked, was that no good? It could almost be explained away as part of their baseball thing, but even then that excuse seemed flimsy to him. What about arranging it so that they stood next to each other, or always stretched together? Were those things too obvious? Now that he thought about it, how often did they do those things together anyway? Even if he didn’t do it on purpose, maybe he would start doing it more than normal and people would question why. Takaya said not to lie, but Mihashi was pretty sure he also wanted to make it so people didn’t even ask in the first place.

By the time they finally got down to the field, Mihashi’s brain had already burnt itself out thinking of way too many things. He was also nowhere close to answering any of his questions. When Tajima greeted him, Mihashi wasn’t even sure his response counted as human, more like some kind of squawk than actual words. He could feel his face flush and looked away, eyes landing on the source of his stress, his new trial maybe boyfriend. 

“Abe, did you break Mihashi?” Tajima called out, Abe turning from talking to Shinooka to give Tajima his most unimpressed look.

“What are you talking- oh,” Abe faltered when he looked at Mihashi, and Mihashi realized he had no idea what facial expression he was making. He quickly put his hands up to cover his face, but that just made him aware of how hot his skin was.

“Mihashi, why don’t we do some stretches?” Abe suggested, leading the way onto the grass. Mihashi followed and they began stretching together. Abe pushed on his back for him, pulled his arms at a few different angles, pushed his legs while he laid on his back; their normal routine.

Except it was anything but normal. Before, Mihashi would get lost in thought about different things while they stretched, either homework or baseball related, but now he was hyper focused on the moment. Every place Takaya touched was so warm, just ready to start burning. It was like last night all over again, except better because they touched in so many more places. But then Mihashi would remember this is stretching practice, not hanging out on each other’s houses and getting all flustered and wound up was a terrible idea right now.

“You’re unusually tight today,” Abe commented as Mihashi came out of a stretch, “everything alright?”

Looking up at Abe’s face, Mihashi saw none of the turmoil that he felt on his own. Abe was treating this like a regular practice, so why couldn’t Mihashi? Mihashi nodded and began the next stretch when Abe put a hand on his shoulder. Mihashi’s eyes tracked the movement like he would a baseball pitch, intent and with far too much anticipation and something must have shown on his face because Abe let out a soft, “oh” and his face pinked a little. The hand on his shoulder tensed and Mihashi immediately started on trying to take it all back when Abe cut him off.

“I know you’re a little tense after our talk, but really, don’t be. You just have to be yourself, okay? Don’t second guess yourself because of what I said. I…” And here Takaya paused to think, and Mihashi let him, knowing firsthand how hard it can be to get your thoughts all sorted out, “I think we should keep practice separate from our relationship, you know? But, outside of it, though, you don’t have to hesitate so much. Just… go easy on me, okay?”

That much Mihashi could understand. To him and most of the others on the team, baseball was a time of comradery and determination to win. Everyone pooling their strengths together to reach the same goal. And while their bond was strong, and would hopefully only strengthen with this relationship, it was a separate thing from the romantic feelings he felt. He actually felt confident that he could separate Abe from Takaya and leave the romance off the field. He wasn’t sure why he felt that way, but Abe was looking at him like he did that first time he said Mihashi was a good pitcher and Mihashi didn’t want to let him down.

“Okay.”

They finished up stretching and went through the rest of practice normally, even if Mihashi’s eyes drifted a few too many times over to Abe. Even if every time Abe caught one of his pitches and he gave him a small smile that was never really there before. Even if they stood just a little closer together at the end of practice and purposefully touched hands when the team put their hands together for the end chant. Even if Mihashi felt like his heart would burst way too many times.

Mihashi was determined to not let his feelings interfere with baseball.

Then he got a text from Takaya as he was getting ready for bed that simply read, “sweet dreams,” and Mihashi began to realize how much determination he was going to need to get through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mihashi needs Undertale levels of determination to get through this, please pray for him. And send ideas on what you want to happen and I'll see how/if they can be incldued!


End file.
